Twenty-one

In less than a week I’ll be 21, surprisingly I’m not having a melt down like every year around my birthday. I don’t know, it still drives me crazy getting old, but I’m too comfortable and happy with my life and what I’ve done and achieved so far. I’m happy with who I am, and that is enough.

All my life I’ve needed to run, wanting to do everything at the same time and eat the whole world in one bite, I always wanted to grow up fast and live the “real life”. I was (and still am) passion driven, but I always felt like I didn’t have enough time too, that I needed to rush into things otherwise just one lifetime wasn’t enough for me to do and be everything I wanted, and that thought scared the hell out of me. Today I’ve made peace with it- there are so many things I don’t know, and I don’t know if I will ever know them, so many people that I’m not and will never be.

Life felt like a race with myself and although I was pretty content with where I was and what I did, I was already thinking in where I would be next, never fully enjoying the present and today. Sitia, a beautiful girl with a soul full of light told me one afternoon on the beach I should stop stressing about time and life, that it’s not worth it, and that small comment had a huge impact on me, I listened to her and took her advice, she was so right. It’s been a dramatically different life the last couple months since I moved to city, but ironically I feel calmer and safer here. I still miss Tulum, but it feels so far right now, like it’s part of another life, I always have that feeling that my life is many, many different ones and that I've been different people, and it can be both scary and mind blowing. I wish I never forgot anything.

This year has been a complete rollercoaster and definitely one of the best years of my entire life, and I’m just so in love with everything to suffer, I think probably life is what and who I love most. It’s just so unpredictable and fascinating and you just never know a thing, and that’s exciting. I just feel very inspired and love everything so bad right now that I feel like my body is going to burn and collapse and rain and get together again, it’s a great feeling.

Suddenly I believe in magic and in people again, and I trust. Life is just too short to not do what I want and live the life I dream of. There is nothing more satisfying than being able to finally say I am who I always wanted to be.