Hopeless Dreamer

a little shoot at my house back when I lived in San Luis Potosí. 

model: Diana De Avila @ Femme Modele
make up/ hair: Evelyn Zárate

here are some behind the scenes photos from that day:

<3,

Ursula

scattered thoughts

It’s been really hard for me to write down this post, it has actually taken me a couple of weeks because it's been difficult to find the time and when I finally do, I write how I feel in that exact moment and days later when I want to continue, I feel completely different, so it didn’t make sense anymore. Instead of trying to mix all those feelings in one I will just leave separate thoughts from different days of my private diary, next to some little snaps I took during my first weeks in Playa.

Life has been so busy lately that I feel I have no time to think, just act. I feel guilty for not writing, for not photographing and documenting as much as I would like to, but I try not to torture myself with that thought and suck in everything life is giving me right now.

I have a great job in a photography studio named Studio by the Ferry, it’s located on the pier and we have a stunning view of the Caribbean. I often feel like I’m at school because of how much I’m learning, it’s really exciting to see how other photographers work and to try and discover new things. The studio’s team is made up by four photographers and videographers: Charlie, Lily, Clement and me. They all are incredibly talented in what they do and very nice people to be around with. You can see Studio by the Ferry photos here.

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I’m having a really hard time trying to distinguish my feelings lately; it’s like if I was in an Auto mode sometimes. I think I have to put my mind in order because it feels like a kite.

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My life is fast and made up of instants, there are no plans, no securities, everything is unknown and a surprise. I don’t know anything. And it’s exciting.

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It frustrates me not being able to write more or update my blog, not having the time to take my personal photos or document more. I wish I had more freedom, I always want more. I am a junkie.

I feel anxious and I feel alive. I want to know, to experiment, to love, to cry, to feel. I have this fire inside me that I thought I had lost, but no, it’s here and it burns all my body and I can’t help but want more and more. This is what I live for, this little instants that make me love life passionately.

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They say things always happen for a reason, they have a cause and a consequence, but most of all they have a lesson and a destiny. I am in peace and sure that this situation has an important reason to be. One just has to pay attention to their intuition and listen to their heart.

It is beautiful to feel this huge passion inside me, I want to live every second, feel every emotion and document every experience. I feel so inspired.  I just want to write and write and write all day long. I enjoy so much reading and taking photos again. I feel like I’m finally getting back myself. The Ursula I missed and longed for is here again.

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There is so much love around me that it’s overwhelming. I feel so loved, I am happy and I reflect it, then others send me back their light.

I’m dying to get on the road again. To feel the wind on my face and let it make my hair dance, the excitement of meeting new places and the comforting quietness of the highway. I want to see the landscapes change through the window. I want to take photos of life, photos that tell stories and bring memories back, I want to feel the cold of the night on my skin and the fatigue of my legs after a long day of walking. I want to be exhausted but desirous of more. I want to be free to photograph who I want, when and how I want.

We are the owners of our lives. Each one is where they choose to be, there are always options. The point isn't to “be someone” in life, but to enjoy your life. It’s not about living with what we are given but about building the life you would love to live.

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I don’t belong here. I belong to the road.

I miss the old high school days, being surrounded by people with big dreams and interesting projects. I love how I lived life with no limits, no prejudices, and no malice. I miss that feeling of discovering everything new.

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There are days in which I wish I could turn back time and treasure it. If there is something I regret in life is not appreciating the instants. I have the terrible habit of wanting to run, to travel and discover and not enjoy the place I’m in.

I have so many things to say, to show, to create. Being an artist is the most beautiful gift life has given me and I want to be surrounded by people I admire, people who doesn't have fear and that moves by their passion.

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I enjoy my time alone and my own company. Savouring the little moments and seeing life as a fascinating mistery full of colors and chances. I am fearless. 

I give thanks to the negative and sad moments, all that gray monotony I felt during so many months because it lets me rejoice to the fullest the happy and inspired days I'm living.

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Sometimes I miss Cholula, it's rural streets and it's flower-filled fields. Spending the evenings on the pyramid watching the sunset. I miss my friends and the moments we lived together.